Creating a Life We Love

Free from Comparison and Approval

Money is a tool

Money is a tool to help us create a life we truly enjoy, rather than a measure of our success or worth. Therefore, spending money in alignment with our values is critical.

Family and personal growth are among my core values, so a significant portion of my family expenditure goes towards our children’s education and family trips and experiences. As a lifetime learner, I occasionally invest in learning opportunities including courses and books. Not long after I relocated to Cambridge in 2018, I visited a famous book shop – Heffers. Faced with so many varieties of books, I told myself I won’t be bored for the rest of my life.

Financial freedom is the aim

Some people are driven to accumulate wealth, believing it gives them a sense of success or superiority. However, the relentless pursuit of wealth can be endless and often unsatisfying.

Having enough money to achieve security and flexibility in life is essential. To me, excessive wealth with huge figures sitting in bank or investment accounts has no meaning if it is not used to enrich our lives. True financial freedom means having sufficient resources to make choices that align with our values: pursuing a career we enjoy rather than one we feel pressured into, covering essential expenses without constant stress, and taking breaks or holidays when we need to recharge. Ultimately, it means freedom to enjoy life on our own terms.

Focus on yourself

Everyone is unique, with their own personality, values, preferences, and resources. Being content with our progress, at our own pace, is essential. Comparing ourselves to others is often unnecessary and it usually leaves us feeling inadequate. On the other hand, showing off expensive possessions to feel superior is usually a manifestation of low self-esteem and insecurity.

When I worked in investment banking, some colleagues bought expensive luxury items, such as Hermès bags. I preferred a light mid-range nylon backpack. Influenced by friends, I also bought expensive watches with my bonus but later sold some of them as they failed to preserve their values. I discovered that a Fitbit and then Apple Watch suited me better – they were lighter and more practical for exercising.

Therefore, it is worth pausing to ask yourself whether you genuinely like or need something, or whether the desire to own it is driven by peer pressure or a wish to impress others.

Shift to self-affirmation

Confidence should be built on personal growth, consistent progress, and the effort we devote to delivering our best outcomes. We can practice self-affirmation by recognising our strengths, abilities, and efforts, while viewing external praise as a bonus rather than a necessity. When confidence depends on external validation, it often leads to anxiety and frustration, as it lies beyond our control – we cannot control how others think about us.

Individuals who are not focused on developing their knowledge or improving themselves, often believe that material possessions will earn them respect or validation from others. However, genuine respect comes from appreciation of personality traits and kindness, not of material possessions.

Life becomes more grounded and fulfilling when we rely on our own judgment and recognise our effort and progress based on what truly matters to us.

At the same time, we can incorporate broader perspectives by welcoming others’ input and using feedback and criticism constructively. This involves evaluating its relevance and integrating meaningful insights into our future actions, with the goal of continuous self-improvement.

Ultimately, this is a personal choice. My intention in raising this awareness is to encourage readers to reflect and make decisions that are suitable for them, rather than being led by the expectations or opinions of others.

Maintain values

Our values serve as our internal compass, guiding us toward becoming our best selves. Because others may not share the same values or priorities, we should not allow their judgments to distract or derail us. While peer pressure – especially during our younger years – is common and understandable, it is important to remember that others have the right to express their opinions. We need not overreact or argue with them; we can stand by our choices and trust that we are the best person to make the right decisions for ourselves.

Living in alignment with our values allows us to define happiness and success on our own terms, without needing others’ approval. At the same time, we should respect others’ freedom to define success and live life according to their own values.

Balance and sustainability

True happiness comes from living a balanced and sustainable life on our own terms, supported by a healthy body and mind, conscious awareness of positive emotions, dedication to achieving our goals, positive and meaningful relationships, deep engagement, and a sense of meaning in life. Achieving this requires consistent effort and energy devoted to nurturing each of these elements.

創造我們熱愛的生活 - 無需攀比和別人認可

金錢是一種工具

金錢是一種工具，它幫助我們創造我們真正享受的生活，而不是衡量我們成功或價值的標準。因此，按照我們的價值觀來花錢是至關重要的。

家庭和個人成長是我的核心價值，因此我的家庭開支的很大部分都用於孩子的教育和家庭旅行和體驗。作為終身學習者，我偶爾會投資學習機會，包括課程和書籍。 2018年搬到劍橋不久後，我去了一家著名的書店 – Heffers。面對不同種類的書籍，我告訴自己，我的餘生絕對不會感到無聊。

財務自由是目標

有些人一心追求財富，認為財富能帶給他們成功感或優越感。然而，對財富的不斷追求往往是無止境及不滿足的。

擁有足夠的金錢來實現生活中的安全感和靈活性是非常重要的。對我而言，如果不能把財富來豐富我們的生活，那麼銀行或投資帳戶裡的巨額存款就只是數字而毫無意義的。真正的財務自由意味著擁有足夠的資源，做出符合我們價值觀的選擇：追求我們熱愛的事業，而不是被迫從事的工作；輕鬆支付基本開支，無需持續承受壓力；在需要充電時，可以休息或度假。最終，它意味著可以以自己的方式享受生活。

關注於自己本身

每個人都是獨一無二的，擁有各自的個性、價值觀、喜好和資源。對自己所取得的進步感到滿意，並按照自己的步伐前進，這一點是重要的。與他人比較往往是沒必要的，通常會讓我們感到不足夠。另一方面，炫耀昂貴的物品來獲得優越感，通常是低自尊和不安全感的表現。

當我在投資銀行工作時，有些同事會購買昂貴的奢侈品，如愛馬仕手袋。我比較喜歡輕便的中檔尼龍背包。受朋友的影響，我也會用花紅買一些名錶來賞勵自己，但後來我也把一些不保值的賣掉。我最後發現 Fitbit 和後來的 Apple Watch 更適合我 – 它們更輕便，也更適合運動時穿著。

因此，值得停下來問問自己，你是真的喜歡或需要某樣東西，還是僅僅出於同儕的壓力或想要給別人留下深刻印象的慾望。

轉向自我肯定

自信應該建立在個人成長、持續進步以及我們為取得最佳成果所付出的努力之上。我們可以透過認可自身的優勢、能力和努力來進行自我肯定，同時將外界的讚揚視為額外的掌勵而非必要性的。當自信依賴外界的認可時，它往往會導致焦慮和沮喪，因為這是超出了我們的控制範圍 – 我們無法控制別人如何看待我們。

那些不專注於提升自身知識或自我改善的人，往往認為物質財富能夠贏得他人的尊重或認可。然而，真正的尊重源自於對人格特質和善良的欣賞，而非對物質財富的認可。

當我們依靠自己的判斷，並根據真正重要的事情來認可自己的努力和進步時，生活會變得更加踏實和充實。

同時，我們可以透過歡迎他人的意見，並以建設性的方式利用回饋和批評，來拓展視野。這包括評估其相關性，並將有意義的見解融入我們未來的行動中，以實現持續的自我提升。

歸根結底，這是個人的選擇。我提出這個觀點的目的是鼓勵讀者反思並做出適合自己的決定，而不是被他人的期望或意見所左右。

堅守價值觀

我們的價值觀就像我們內在的指南針，指引我們成為最好的自己。由於他人可能與我們價值觀或優先事項不同，我們不應該讓他們的批評來分散我們的注意力或使我們偏離軌跡。雖然同儕壓力 – 尤其是在我們年輕的時候 – 是很常見並且可以理解的，但重要的是要記住，他人有權表達自己的意見。我們無需反應過度或與他們爭論；我們可以堅持自己的選擇，並相信我們才是最適合為自己做出正確決定的人。

實踐自身價值觀，讓我們能夠以自己的方式定義幸福和成功，而不需要他人的認可。同時，我們也應該尊重他人定義自己的成功和按照自己的價值觀生活的自由。

平衡與持續性

真正的幸福源自於按照自己的意願，過著平衡且可持續的生活。這需要健康的體魄和精神、對正向情緒的覺察、對目標的執著追求、正面且有意義的人際關係、深度投入、對人生意義的感知。而這一切的實現，需要持續不斷的努力與投入。