Focus on what we can control
In an ideal world, we wish to live in peace, in a harmonious
community, where people respect each other by accepting their differences.
However, in real life, many aspects are out of our control and paying too much
attention to disappointments and frustrations can lead a strong sense of
powerlessness. Remember that your actions will affect only those areas that you
can control. Recognize and accept that you will have minimal impact beyond
those. Therefore, to have a happier and more fulfilling life, we should focus
on the little world we can control and contribute to.
To a certain extent, we can influence but cannot control
others. We can pursue the best outcomes of healthy long-term relationships and
career and business development. Putting conscious effort into these areas,
nurturing our health and personal growth, saving money and accumulating wealth,
cultivating passions and interests, and using a positive lens to see our world,
can lead to harmony and contentment.
Positive impact with ripple effect
In fact, how people think affects their happiness and lives
because mindset determines their attitude and behaviour. When I faced life
setbacks, I gained new perspective after my mindset shifts because of reading. Therefore,
my goal in writing is to exert my influence to create a positive impact on
individuals; and hopefully create a rippling effect. Through sharing my
knowledge, experience, wisdom and insights, my objective is to inspire people
to broaden their knowledge, enhance their perspectives and expand their
horizons. When one’s mindset is broadened, one sees the world differently and
has more ideas to generate out-of-the-box solutions. As a result, individuals
will have courage to overcome their life difficulties and setbacks with a
positive attitude.
Through my one-on-one coaching and role as an agent of
change, my goal is to help my coachees:
1) gain
deeper self-understanding,
2) explore
their strengths, weaknesses, and core values,
3) raise
their self-awareness to encourage reflection, improvement, and growth,
4) stay
motivated to reach their full potential, and
5) receive
the support they need to achieve their goals.
A critical aspect is to inspire and encourage their focus
on personal growth.
Cultivating a positive, constructive and growth mindset
Happiness comes from how we see the world, with gratitude
and appreciation, and focus on positive emotions. Individuals face various
challenges, difficulties and setbacks as they are integral parts of everyone’s
journey. Indeed, both positive and negative events are happening to us
randomly. Feeling grateful for good events while accepting bad events and
focusing on exploring solutions and finding the way out is the correct
attitude. Ruminating and projecting not only take away your joy but also
undermine efforts to improve the situation.
How we respond to life challenges comes from our mindset.
Therefore, training our brains to focus on positive events that surround us is
critical while avoiding overthinking bad scenarios. A positive mind creates a
positive life. Cultivating a positive, constructive and growth mindset is
beneficial.
More love and care
Love and belonging are emotional and interpersonal needs
that lead to feelings of connection and support which are generated from
positive and deeper relationships. Unfortunately, many people don’t know how to
love others, resulting in asymmetric give and take in a relationship which is
not balanced and leads to disappointment, discontentment and even resentment.
Loving others means caring about others’ feelings, wishing
them to be happy, willing to express their love and care in words and align in
action with mutual respect. One direction of love is never going to work and
will not be sustainable. Instead of loving and caring someone who don’t love
you, it is better to choose loving someone who cares about you, which includes
your family, friends and lover.
Non-judgemental communication and empathy in relationships
Non-judgemental communication and empathy are critical
elements to sustain long-term relationships and build rapport and trust.
Understanding others and their situations can enhance love, care and support.
Only if the speaker feels the listener can receive and understand their
messages will they share their deeper thoughts. Building deeper relationships
enhances emotional satisfaction. Most people wish to have a soulmate, be it
their friend or lover, who can connect with them deeply.
Positive psychology and authentic happiness
Dr. Martin Seligman advocated positive psychology, which
focuses on the positive aspects of life and how to flourish. It encourages
individuals to cultivate positive emotions, gratitude, optimism, and positive
reframing, identify character strengths, build resilience, develop social
connections and find their meaning in life.
He also advocated the PERMA Model in 2011, which focuses on
Positive Emotion, Engagement, Positive Relationships, Meaning, and Achievement,
which are the five elements of authentic happiness and well-being.
The PERMA model provides perspectives to assist in assessing
authentic happiness. Raising awareness of these elements allows individuals to
pinpoint if anything is missing in their lives. For example, individuals with
successful careers but without family support or true friends probably have a
sense of loneliness and emptiness. Those who sacrifice their careers or dreams
to focus on their families may feel a lack of accomplishment. Engagement may be
overlooked but this can be easily fulfilled when one seizes time to nurture
passions and interests. When people engage in an activity they like, they are
immersed in the moment which creates positive emotions.
Individuals define their happiness – by understanding this
framework, everyone can pursue their unique path to happiness.
Creating a happy and fulfilling life
In our education, we can help students to identify their
strengths and to further develop because by applying their strengths they will
perform better, gain satisfaction and confidence. Students who are weaker or
yet to develop in linguistics and mathematics may be discouraged in their
primary and secondary education. The comparison in grades may hurt their
self-esteem. Therefore, we should teach students how to love themselves and
others. It is crucial to raise their awareness about interpersonal and intrapersonal
skills which are essential in their personal and professional development. We
can help them to cultivate a positive, constructive and growth mindset. This
will equip them to handle life challenges and difficulties naturally without
complaining or feeling stressed.
By encouraging individuals to develop essential life skills
in personal growth, professional development, relationships, parenting,
self-love, pursuing dreams and instilling wisdom, their lives become easier to
manage. Instead of promoting success as earning a lot of money, and climbing up
corporate and social ladders, we shall advocate for individuals to create a
life that they love, living positively and happily, striking a balance,
pursuing their dreams and achieving their best self. Individuals should earn
enough to cover their life journey. We should promote the accumulation of
happiness, job satisfaction, life fulfilment, positive relationships, passions
and meaning.
Currently, my priorities are my health, inner peace, family
time and personal growth above everything else. I especially cherish family
time when my children come home during their holiday breaks, and we often take
the opportunity to explore new countries and places together. When they are
away at school or university, my focus is on coaching, mentoring, and writing
as part of my journey to live a meaningful life. To grow and improve in helping
others and becoming a better writer, keep learning and reading are crucial.
Shaping some critical core values
Values represent who we are and what is the most important
to us. We can instil some critical core values in our children or students in
the early stages of their lives by raising their awareness about health, love,
personal growth, integrity, financial stability, gratitude, balance,
creativity, curiosity and trustworthiness. However, their upbringing,
education, knowledge and experience will shape their unique values and belief
systems. Their values may also change in priority under their different stage of
life. Helping them identify their values will raise their awareness of what is
the most important to them. Values is an internal compass leading individuals
to their unique path in life which is satisfying although others may disagree.
A happy life starts from childhood
A happy child is likely to grow into a happy adult. It is
worth instilling positive thinking in children. There may be an innate element
that makes them an optimist or pessimist. According to Dr. Martin Seligman’s
“Learned Optimism”, pessimistic and ruminating will lead to depression,
therefore, it comes from how an individual thinks. As such, raising the
children's awareness of the importance of positive perspective is beneficial.
By incorporating positive psychology and growth mindset into early education,
children can be encouraged to find their strengths, stay optimistic, look for
growth, dare to meet challenges and view failures as lessons and an integral
part of growth.
Pursue your dream or a meaningful life
Money can’t buy everything. However, individuals need
financial stability to support their life journey but accumulating a huge
wealth surplus is an option not a must. Instead, healthy relationships, being
loved and feeling connected and supported are imperative to one’s happiness and
well-being.
Recalling Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualisation,
and the realisation of a person’s potential is the pinnacle of the hierarchy of
needs. Some individuals want to pursue a purposeful and meaningful life, the
objective is to transcend through helping others in various forms.
Accomplishment may not need to be linked to career and business success, or
wealth expansion but to realising dreams.
Need your help to create more rippling effects
Not everyone can overcome their struggles by themselves.
Having gone through my own challenges and setbacks, I developed resilience and
have gained valuable insights. Hopefully, by sharing my knowledge, experience
and wisdom through my articles, my aim is to inspire and encourage others to
overcome their hurdles and turn adversity into growth. Other than that,
self-help books or seeking professionals’ support are possible solutions.
If you find my articles insightful and helpful to your life
journey, please share them with your family and friends to create a ripple
effect of positivity and growth.
Winner Lee
Life Coach, Mentor, Writer
The original article was published on LinkedIn on June 3, 2025: https://lnkd.in/ef_V3u7F
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