The role of leaders, coaches and parents
Leadership, coaching and parenting
share one common ground – support for individuals to transform and improve.
However, not everyone is willing to change. Indeed, the impetus for change is
not due to external demand and factors but lies within internal drive and willpower.
Thanks to my experience as a team head, a coach and a mum, I can now recognize
traits that mark those who are coachable and those who are not. Firstly, one
must be open-minded and willing to listen to others’ points of view. Secondly,
they must have a positive attitude towards criticism. Thirdly, they need
introspective skills and willingness to reflect without blaming others. And
finally, they need to be determined and disciplined to take action and
implement the steps that they decide to take. In general, individuals
with a growth mindset are coachable, whereas those with a fixed mindset are
not.
Open-mindedness
Open-minded people are always welcoming new ideas and new perspectives. Their minds are willing to absorb new concepts and incorporate them into their thinking process. For me, I always want to explore root causes and find connections and correlations among different parameters. I am also curious about people and view interactions as a learning opportunity as everyone has unique views and experiences. I have the curiosity to find out where others’ rationale comes from. Attentive listening and asking relevant questions are crucial to understanding others, earning respect, showing empathy, ultimately winning friends and building rapport.
Fixed Mindset vs Growth Mindset
Individuals’ mindset determines their attitude and
behaviour. Indeed, one’s upbringing, education, knowledge and experience shape
their unique belief and value systems, which, once established, are not easy to
alter. When we want to guide others, we need to instil our beliefs in their
thought process. Those with a fixed mindset are not going to be receptive.
Those with a growth mindset will still need to be convinced but the most
important hurdle is cleared – they are open to entertaining new ideas. Readers
can obtain better insight from Dr, Carol Dweck’s “Mindset”.
Fixed mindset
Individuals with a fixed mindset are less receptive to
learning new things and believe they already know enough. They prefer to stay
in their comfort zones to avoid mistakes as they perceive mistakes as
indications of personal failure. They are relatively egocentric and are
offended even by constructive criticism. They have a strong sense of
superiority and welcome only praise and appreciation while are reluctant to
accept negative feedback. They are inclined to blame others for mistakes
without investigating their areas for improvement.
Growth mindset
Individuals with a growth mindset view mistakes as valuable
lessons and use every opportunity for learning and growth. They find fulfilment
in the journey of self-improvement through continuously acquiring knowledge,
absorbing new concepts and perspectives, and equipping themselves with new
skills. They have better acceptance of constructive criticism because they know
it will help them to grow and enhance their performance. When they confront
obstacles and setbacks, they actively seek solutions and devise strategies
until they overcome challenges.
Mindset is changeable
According to Dr. Carol Dweck, mindset is changeable. This is
good news for those who aspire to shift their mindset. A growth mindset
requires willingness to acquire knowledge, welcome new perspectives and embrace
change. Once individuals recognize the benefits of adopting a growth mindset
they transform from uncoachable to coachable. It is a challenging task, but
leaders, coaches or parents can help along the way, encouraging and
highlighting the benefits of this transformation. Ultimately though, the process
is self-driven and must be propelled by internal motivation and desire.
Interpersonal skills are required to understand others
Communication, social awareness,
conflict resolution and building relationships belong to the scope of
interpersonal intelligence, which is a skill set essential for developing
professional and personal lives. Social awareness is the sensitivity to what's
appropriate in various social contexts. However, in relationships, equally
crucial are intentions and willingness of both parties. Conducting non-judgemental communication is crucial, it is necessary to approach the issue
without presumptions and to focus on understanding others’ perspectives and rationale.
Intrapersonal skills are critical for achieving goals
Self-reflection, self-awareness, self-discipline, and
persistence belong to the scope of intrapersonal intelligence. Someone with
strong intrapersonal intelligence has better self-awareness to reflect on their
attitude and behaviour, therefore leading to self-improvement and
self-correction.
Individuals with good self-discipline and persistence are
committed to achieving their goals without distractions and therefore better
equipped to execute their plans.
What makes individuals want to change
Fixed mindset individuals prefer to stay in their comfort
zone and usually avoid initiating changes. But an unexpected crisis or shift in
circumstances, especially one that creates a significant impact, can make them
realize that change is necessary. Being under pressure is not an ideal set up
for change and this is where coaching comes in with guidance and reassurance.
Growth-mindset individuals are more accepting of criticism
and willing to change, but they still may have blind spots that they are not
aware of and areas of their unconscious self that need to be unlocked. Parents,
coaches and leaders can help them by raising self-awareness and inspiring them
to go beyond their comfort zones, broaden their knowledge and develop new
skills to help them achieve their best selves. Please refer to my article “Self-Discovery
and Potential Unlock”.
How to facilitate change
In coaching, we help individuals to raise awareness of
themselves, which is the precursor to change or transformation. A coach cannot
change a person but can act as a facilitator to guide them arrive at the
decision whether to change and if so what, when and how.
Leaders should opt to surround themselves with open-minded
growth-driven people as such individuals will ultimately save a lot of time and
effort and deliver good results.
Parents have no option to choose their children but can
invest into self-learning to better understand and guide their children. Open
communication and demonstrating by example are key. Encouraging and supportive
parental attitudes will motivate children. We can sow ideas like seeds, but we
don’t know if and when they will grow. We can stay positive and optimistic and
wait for the right timing to come.
Interaction between various mindsets
I argued earlier that individuals with a growth mindset are
coachable. However, what if their leaders or parents are not. I summarised into
the following matrix with different interactions.
1) In the top left corner, a growth mindset supervisor or
parent will create the best synergy with a growth mindset subordinate or
children as both parties are willing to learn, grow
and broaden their perspectives, therefore, their ways
of thinking can overlap.
2) At the bottom left corner, a supervisor or parent with
a growth mindset can guide their fixed-mindset
subordinate or children and help them to cultivate a growth mindset with patience and continuous effort.
3) In the top right corner, a fixed-mindset supervisor or parent will find it hard to
connect with a growth-mindset
subordinate or children because of their seniority and superiority, they are
inclined to trust themselves and likely to impose their beliefs onto others. On the flip side, a growth-mindset
subordinate or children can understand their fixed-mindset supervisor or parent
but cannot change them. If so, estrangement in a parent-children relationship
and resignation in a work relationship are likely to happen.
4) Finally, at the bottom right corner, a fixed-mindset supervisor or parent and a fixed-mindset subordinate or
children will be less receptive to each other’s
perspectives, and it will be difficult to
understand each other. Here, chances of a
meaningful dialogue are low.
In conclusion, a fixed-mindset supervisor or parent
cannot help to cultivate a growth mindset in their subordinates or children.
When you encounter difficulties in coaching your
subordinates or children, instead of concluding they are uncoachable, explore
avenues to enrich your own knowledge, broaden mindset and add perspectives.
Practice attentive listening and exercise empathy to understand them. When you
encounter a stumbling block, that block may not be others but rather it may
exist within yourself and only you can overcome it through self-improvement.
I believe everyone should try putting effort into learning
and growth as there is always room for improvement. When I found raising kids
not straightforward in my 40s, I started reading parenting books. After taking
a coaching course, I learned and incorporated skills into my parenting journey.
Winner Lee
Life Coach, Mentor, Writer
The original article was published on LinkedIn on February 25, 2025.
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