Mindset matters
It is not
about what happens to you, it is about how you respond to what happens to you!
Sometimes, what happens to you is out of your control. But what is within your
control is how you respond.
Your
mindset determines your attitude and behaviour. As such, a positive mind will
give you a positive life. Indeed, a positive mind can be cultivated. I have
experience in supporting my coachees on their journey from a negative mindset
to a positive and constructive one, of course, with their willingness and
determination. They felt they gained autonomy and self-efficacy after the
transformation, which led to happier, and satisfied lives. In addition, they
gradually developed their own ways of tackling stressful situations and
restoring inner peace.
Positive
mind vs. negative mind
The
half-full glass and half-empty glass mindsets are typical metaphors to describe
how people perceive their surroundings. This is about perspectives: optimists
tend to focus on the positives, while pessimists often dwell on the negatives.
A
positive mind provides you with a positive lens to see the world. In facing a challenging and adverse
situation, a positive mind is inclined to be constructive in exploring
solutions and revising strategies to find the way out. A negative mind on the other hand tends to
complain, focus on the problem and look how to apportion blame rather than
working out solutions. This difference in mindsets determines differences in
actions taken and therefore in the outcomes.
Focus on positive emotions and gratitude
Positive
emotions are pleasant or desirable situational responses which include joy,
love, pride, appreciation, optimism, satisfaction, gratitude, contentment,
excitement … etc. As mentioned in one of my previous posts “Authentic Happiness
– the PERMA model[1]”, positive emotions
contribute to our overall happiness.
Positive
Psychology advocates focusing on positive emotions and gratitude.
One must
not misunderstand; the idea is not to advocate ignoring negative emotions. On
the contrary, it is crucial to recognise and accept our negative emotions. It
is helpful to express our feelings to someone we trust, such as family,
friends, and therapists. Indeed, even optimists will suffer from doubt or feel
disheartened in some situations, which is normal for humans. It is critical to
accept ourselves by acknowledging our weaknesses and allowing time and space
for our body and mind to recover from setbacks. The experience in overcoming
challenges equips us for tackling and overcoming difficult situations in the
future.
Focusing
on positive emotions encourages individuals to recognize and appreciate the
positive event, which leads to gratitude and a sense of well-being. Gratitude
means having a grateful heart, an appreciation of the present moment and being
mindful of what is good in their lives.
A helpful
exercise is to write down positive events or things we feel grateful for each
day. The objective is to train our brains to raise awareness of positives
surrounding us and train the brain away from the negative interpretation
bias. Usually, individuals are inclined to pay more attention to negative
events leading to overthinking and anxiety, draining their energy. As a result,
they lose sight of the positives that still exist in their life.
Sometimes,
it takes time and effort to eliminate negative emotions. It is important to
consciously remind ourselves that worrying doesn’t help to improve the
situation and that it is more constructive to channel attention and energy to
actions and strategies that can bring us closer to a resolution. This tactic
can significantly reduce our concentration to negative emotions, resulting in
broadening our mindset, enhancing the feeling of control, and having positive
self-efficacy.
Life’s challenges are
integral parts of one’s life
Individuals
with a positive mindset believe life’s challenges are an integral and
unavoidable part of their life journey. They maintain optimism, keep exploring
solutions and trust a better situation will eventually emerge even when they
are entangled in difficult circumstances. They also view them as an opportunity
to learn and grow.
Cultivating a positive and constructive mindset
When
encountering life's challenges, pessimists focus on the problem while optimists
focus on solutions. Pessimists choose to stay away from the problem without
mentioning or solving it. However, this may make the problem bigger and more
difficult to resolve. Some complain about being unlucky and worry about worse
scenarios. This leads to heightened anxiety and does nothing to improve the
situation.
The only
constructive way is to channel energy towards exploring solutions and
navigating a way out. Even when sometimes that way out seems elusive, a
well-built positive mindset will help to move away from frustration and
appreciate every small step towards improvement.
Cultivating
a positive and constructive mindset is pivotal to escaping from an entangling
situation. A change in mindset is a meaningful step towards a happier and more
satisfying life.
Positive Reframing
Positive
reframing, one of the crucial concepts in Positive Psychology, encourages us to
revisit negative events with a positive perspective. The idea involves
reinterpreting a challenging situation positively, offering a way to shift our
mindset.
Negative
experiences cause distress but also present learning opportunities. Therefore,
when we encounter a painful event, we should remind ourselves not to allow the
negatives overshadow the whole situation.
Positive
reframing emphasises recognising positive outcomes. When I encountered
difficult people in life or at work, I always reflected on what I could learn
from them. Meeting people very different from us brings in new perspectives. I
used to be very efficient in producing my work as I thought timing was pivotal.
One of my bosses, who was very cautious, always requested to consult with more
people, delaying my research publication, which led to my frustration.
While I cared most about the timing of the launch of a new idea, my
boss was concerned about criticism. He explained to me that he believed
that we should deliver extraordinarily high-quality research and that
imperfections could undermine its impact and recognition. This led me to
revisit my work progress and understand the skill I should hone - patience. By
not stressing too much about efficiency, I saw a new learning
opportunity and valuable perspective. From then on, allowed more time for
my ideas to marinate, which usually led to my finding of new perspectives
and strengthening my arguments.
Typically,
when one chapter ends another begins. Letting go of someone or something
negative or unsuitable reserves space for someone or something better to enter
our lives. When my previous company asked me to change my role to a compliance
offer, it took me a weekend to move on. After experiencing many hierarchy
changes over the past two decades, I knew it was my turn. I was excited about
my new journey and wanted to know what my next chapter would be. I thank myself
for spending time reading so I developed a flexible mindset towards life
changes, and one of the authors also inspired me to be a blogger. At that
point, I got an idea to become a life coach and a writer.
Unfortunately,
not everyone manages to overcome their hurdles quickly. Those who entangle
themselves for a prolonged period may even end up depressed or suicidal. Hence,
positive reframing serves as a reminder to those stuck in challenging
situations to maintain optimism and trust that encouraging situations will
emerge.
Overcoming adversity and strengthens confidence
Once an
individual rebounds from adversity, their confidence will strengthen. As a
result, their resilience is enhanced and results in a tougher mindset, allowing
them to endure and overcome more challenging situations in the future.
In my 40s, when I faced a career setback and found raising
kids not straightforward, I thought my thinking was inflexible. I started
reading books about positive psychology, enneagram, and parenting, which were
inspiring. Those books helped me to broaden my knowledge, expand my horizons
and tune into the right mindset. I learned that when I couldn’t change the
situation, I could change my attitude and make my life happier. When I learned
about fixed and growth mindsets a few years ago, I realised facing hurdles
helped me develop my growth mindset. The challenging period and my experiences
in overcoming obstacles have formed the foundation of my coaching.
My coaching and writing
In my coaching, one of my goals is to help people tune to a
positive, constructive and growth mindset. Besides, I wish to create meaningful
impacts via my posts and articles. Indeed, life is full of ups and downs, there
are happy moments, challenges and setbacks.
This combination enriches our life so that we can enjoy, learn and grow.
Without difficulties, we won’t grow, gain confidence and become a better
person.
Our attitude towards life comes from our way of thinking.
When facing life difficulties, staying optimistic and maintaining a positive
and constructive mindset helps you to get through a difficult patch and
ultimately a positive mind will give you a positive life.
Winner Lee
Life Coach, Mentor, Writer
The original article was published on LinkedIn on November 6,
2024.
[1] The PERMA Model is developed by Dr Martin
Seligman which identified five elements to contribute to happiness, they are
Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Achievement.
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