Healthy
relationships at work are needed to create a harmonious working environment.
The ability to fit in with colleagues benefits one’s career development as
employers and managers do not prefer workplace conflict but value team
cohesion. Building rapport in a workspace may be easy for people who have
strong interpersonal skills, pleasant personalities, humility, and
open-mindedness. Those who are arrogant, pessimistic, and inconsiderate
naturally find it challenging. Healthy work relationships are based on open and
frequent communication and concerted effort of all the parties.
Be selective in building long-lasting relationships
Building
rapport at work was natural to me because of my personality and relatively strong
interpersonal skills. In principle, I was rather cautious about making friends
at work. I usually observed and analysed first to ascertain who walks the talk
to gauge their authenticity and trustworthiness. Keeping distance from
colleagues but remaining collaborative and approachable is sensible. I kept my
guard up with people who liked to gossip as I was very conscious of the fact,
they would likely reveal what I said. Being not a gossipy type, I would not
pass on any information given to me. As a rule of thumb, I preferred to stick
to small talk or professional subjects, such as the companies we covered and
the stock market. After over twenty years in finance, I have maintained about
ten long-lasting friendships. Some are friends I made in the workplace, some
are ex-bosses or senior colleagues I regard as my mentors, and others are
ex-clients that we inspire each other.
In a
complicated working environment, we must take a cautious and selective approach
to building long-lasting relationships. It will take time to know people on a
deeper level. Trust is to believe that someone is good and authentic and will
not harm us. Trust in a relationship requires 1) one person to exhibit
trustworthiness and 2) the other person to be willing to trust them. One-way
exhibition of trust will not work; a trustful relationship requires both
parties to trust each other. Building trust in a relationship is a gradual
process, even if someone is authentic and trustworthy, the other may take time
to trust them. The time it takes varies from person to person.
It's
a two-way street, you choose people and people choose you. Aim at improving
your quality to attract quality people.
Work attitude – correct mistakes
I
was not performing well when I joined BNP Paribas back in 2000, but I was able
to fix my issues promptly. When preparing my first strategy report, I was
unable to ask my boss when he wanted it published as he was busy at a meeting.
The workday was over so assumed we could publish the next day and I left the
office. The next day, he admonished me saying I should not leave the office
without letting him know. I apologized, acknowledged my lack of communication,
and endeavoured to never make the same mistake again. In another incident,
while on a marketing trip to Europe, he sent me an urgent request. I dealt with
it quickly and called him the next day without realizing that the time
difference meant he was asleep. Again, I apologized and promised myself not to make
similar mistake. These two instances made me realize I must be more aware and
attuned to the context in various situations.
These
two missteps made me worried about my boss' impression of me. But all I could
do to correct this is to remind myself to be more thoughtful and focus on
delivering quality work.
Getting along with bosses
Cultivating
a strong connection with our bosses is essential at work. People say it is
better to have a good boss than to have a good job. Understanding their
management styles, preferences, and priorities is crucial. They are the ones
who guide us on how to improve our quality of work, help us with our career
advancement, and are likely to defend us from any unfair judgment or criticism.
I advise staff to communicate with their bosses openly and frequently. This
helps to align expectations, reduces the potential for misunderstanding and
builds mutual trust. Bosses value initiative and transparency. Sending them a
weekly wrap-up email detailing completed and outstanding tasks, even if they
don't expect or ask for it, is bound to generate appreciation and goodwill, not
to mention improving workflow and efficiency.
When
I worked as a derivatives strategist, I shared the PowerPoint presentations
that I created for my thematic or quarterly strategies with my boss as I knew
that this could help him to save time. He appreciated my thoughtfulness. I
advised my teammate (a derivatives analyst) to take the initiative and produce
a few charts which my boss would find useful. He replied that he preferred to
wait until asked. This illustrates well our difference in mentality. I believe
taking initiative helps foster better ties and creates an opportunity to get
noticed. Merely taking orders means no chance to stand out.
For
people who cannot get along with their boss, resignation is a solution.
However, one must ensure proper transition and handover of tasks. Future jobs
depend on positive references therefore old bosses' influence doesn't end on
the last day in the office.
I
always have a deep sense of gratitude to people who gave me opportunities and
provided guidance for my improvement. Sometimes, such relationships continue
well past the end of employment and evolve into friendships.
Collaboration with colleagues
To
build rapport with colleagues, the foundation is to exhibit collaborative
behaviour and not cause trouble to others. When preparing my first strategy
report which was full of complex charts, I sensed annoyance of the production head,
because he felt the document was messy. Thereafter, I decided to learn how to
format my charts to production standards to save the team’s time and minimise
errors. This highlighted to the team my willingness to go the extra mile, and
my colleagues thought me easy to work with.
Handling conflict
Communication
is the only way to handle conflict with others. It is essential to be proactive
and at a first sign of discord initiate discussion to understand each other's
perspectives and explain constraints, work out a compromise or narrow
discrepancies. If no resolution on the primary level is possible, then the
issue should be raised with the bosses. There may be no perfect way of handling
difficult situations but showing a cooperative manner is key. Ignoring the
issue or the relationship results in a hostile relationship and may lead to
further negative consequences.
Internal client relationships
When
I moved to the derivatives department as a strategist, my role was to analyse
the market and generate trading ideas for our sales team and traders. These
ideas had to be presented convincingly to the salespeople. They then would
relay to us clients’ feedback and requests. Constant communication was
essential as both the company and the salesperson's credibility depended on the
quality of our calls.
External client relationships
Usually,
salespeople would bring us to meet clients once we published the thematic or
quarterly strategy reports. We also conducted presentations and invited clients
to our seminars. Sometimes, we attended industrial events. Those were the
opportunities for us to build external networks. Once I collected clients’ name
cards, I would add them to our distribution list.
I
would also proactively invite clients to coffee or lunch to develop friendships
and collect feedback. These interactions provided excellent insight and
material for my thought process. We were mutually beneficial because as we
exchanged information both sides broadened our perspectives.
After
such meetings, I would write a call report and share it with account managers
and senior management.
Supporting others
Women
supports women. Although most companies emphasise diversification and equality,
it is tough for women to climb up corporate ladders. It is extremely
challenging for working mums who needs to balance their work and care of their
children. When I worked in my senior role at BNP Paribas, I also needed to
manage a small team at home. Even though a nanny, driver, and two helpers
supported me in taking care of my children, I found juggling the
responsibilities challenging especially when my kids were sick. As such, I
always had empathy for my female colleagues. They sometimes confided in me,
seeking advice as they valued my analytical mind and trustworthiness. This was
when I started thinking about being a Life Coach.
Office politics
A
colleague once told me that I was too kind to work in the finance industry.
Another suggested I should get involved in office politics. This was at odds
with my top values of integrity, kindness, personal growth, trustworthiness,
and teamwork. I always empathise with others and offer support. As an
analyst/strategist, my analytical mind was always focused on in-depth analysis
and research. I had no time or desire to pay attention to others’ faults or
problems. I believe most of my ex-colleagues in the research departments of DBS
Securities and BNP Paribas had the same approach. I wish the management
understood that those who spent time complaining and blaming others were not
focusing on their work or striving for improvement. Being a constructive
person, I advocate cooperation, exploring solutions and devising strategies to
improve work. I believe playing politics leads to a lose-lose outcome, and as
such, I was unwilling to participate.
Tips to young people
Developing
internal relationships with your stakeholders or peers to increase your
visibility is crucial at work. The objective is to let people know who you are
and how you work. You can invite the people to have a coffee or lunch or happy
hour to get acquainted. I was always
willing to help others especially if the tasks would not require a lot of time
or create any trouble.
For
external networks, you can join some industrial events and alumni activities to
meet people in the same and related professional areas. It will be interesting
and helpful to know what others are doing to gain perspectives and expand
horizons.
I
learned that we need a mentor only during the middle stage of my career.
However, I always connected with some of my ex-bosses or senior colleagues who
treated me as a friend, so I had a chance to gain insight from them. I encourage
young individuals to find at least one mentor to share experiences and thoughts
with to potentially gain guidance and advice. A mentor can also inspire and
provide a new perspective.
Self-reflection
is a way to improve yourself and your relationship with others. It is not about
self-blaming but about putting your attention on how to do it better next time.
Remember our past behaviours will not define us forever.
During
the early stage of your career, you are not likely to get involved in office
politics. Take the chance to observe how the middle and senior management
handle politics to gain insight. People
with different personalities handle it differently. I am not good at it as I
like to focus on my work. If conflicts stem from different ways of doing
things, understanding other's perspectives is helpful to gain insight and try
to solve the issues. If one's agenda is scheming in interpersonal
relationships, it is more of a survival game.
I encourage
young individuals to put in more effort than the bare minimum required to meet
expectations to demonstrate to others that you are easy to work with. Focus on
delivering good outcomes. Don’t mind taking more responsibility to learn and
showcase your ability.
If
you have great ideas to facilitate delivering excellent outcomes, be eager to
show initiative and propose solutions to your boss and your team. Prioritise
team success over individual success.
For
management, my advice is to cultivate a growth mindset working environment,
promote learning, encourage challenges, take constructive criticism positively,
recognise cooperation and people who contribute, and create a fair atmosphere.
Take inspiration from the Oscar Academy Awards - Best Directors never take all
credit themselves. They underscore their team’s contribution.
Winner Lee
Life Coach,
Mentor, Writer
The original article was published on LinkedIn on June 13, 2024.
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