Differentiating constructive or destructive criticism
Everyone
has faced criticism at some point at work and in life. Sometimes we care,
sometimes we don't. It depends on who this criticism came from and whether it
bothers us. Sometimes, we may be upset or feel hurt, or it might even damage
our confidence. However, it is crucial to remember that constructive feedback
is positive for personal development. Therefore, we need to differentiate whether
the criticism is constructive or destructive.
Constructive Criticism
Intentions matter. If the comments come
from our parents, boss, mentor, or good friend, they are usually aimed to help
us to improve, and we should approach them with a positive attitude. We can
discuss with them to understand their point of view and explore their rationale
as well as to explain ours. We should focus on exploring and extracting valuable
points they made.
If
their point is valid, we should review it objectively and focus on learning and
improvement. There is no perfection, and there is always room for improvement.
We can learn from our mistakes and prevent similar issues in the future.
Instead of focusing on how they deliver their message, we should focus on the
content and avoid dwelling on the feelings of embarrassment or discomfort
triggered by the feedback.
Credible
sources. If the comments are made by professionals or our role models,
their influence will be more impactful because we tend to be more receptive to
their feedback and therefore more willing to make changes.
Opinions are not facts. While the
comments are subjective, they are still valuable. People have different
preferences, styles, or tastes, and there is no absolute good or bad and right
or wrong. We can listen to others’ opinions and incorporate valid points into
our future actions. The fact is most people know only part of the situation; we
are the ones to make the final decision and take responsibility for the
outcomes. Therefore, we should evaluate and analyse the comments and avoid
irrelevant opinions affecting our direction and confidence.
Don't take it personally. As we become mature
and confident, we should be less sensitive to criticism. If we overreact and
turn defensive to comments, people may refrain from giving us any feedback.
During my career development, I always felt grateful to my bosses and
colleagues who spent time giving me advice and feedback, as I know their aim
was help me grow and improve.
Destructive Criticism
In
contrast to providing constructive suggestions, destructive criticism refers to
comments that are overly negative, harsh, or unconstructive. We probably
encounter some inconsiderate people giving us unfair judgement and even
personal attacks. Destructive comments can hurt our self-esteem and confidence,
cause pain or anger, and demotivate us. We are better off ignoring those
comments.
It
is normal for us to be upset, but we should not let those negative feelings
torture us for a prolonged period. To focus on what we can control, we should
divert our attention and energy into positive and constructive actions that we
should take. We should avoid interacting with toxic people to preserve our
mental and physical well-being. It is necessary to set clear boundaries to
protect our inner peace.
Overthinking
of destructive feedback may cause anxiety or depression. Seeking professional
help from counsellors, therapists, or life coaches can assist in finding the
way out.
Turning to a positive and constructive mindset
It
is always challenging to develop something from scratch or manage a project,
and we wish our efforts to be recognised. If the situation allows, seek advice
and opinions early in the process to gain better perspective and allow time and
room to adjust.
Learning
from mistakes through self-reflection is critical for our personal development.
However, an effective approach is vital.
Instead of focusing on mistakes, which leads to self-blame
and frustration, take a step back to gain a broader perspective and a more
balanced, dispassionate, view. A constructive reflection approach involves
three steps:
1. Recognize self-worth: Acknowledging what has been done well to
recognise one’s achievements and positive contributions is essential to
reinforce self-worth and provide a foundation for future growth.
Self-affirmation generates a positive impact on our confidence.
2. Identify areas for improvement: Identifying what has been done less
well, then exploring root causes can enhance one's skills or knowledge.
Dwelling on mistakes can be self-sabotaging and damage confidence. Focusing on
learning from the experiences and exploring opportunities for growth is the
right approach.
3. Plan future actions: Setting clear goals and strategies is positive and
empowering. It helps to shift attention from self-blaming to self-correcting
and improving.
Adjust our expectations
When
we do something well, we wish to be praised and recognised. Our disappointment
comes from our expectations. It is helpful to reset our expectations to zero;
then we will be more receptive when we hear disapproval or disagreement.
My experience of criticism
When
I worked as an Asian Equities and Derivatives Strategist at BNP Paribas, I
worked with many intelligent and hardworking people. In a highly competitive
environment, people place high demands on themselves and others. I always faced
criticism about my English and my market calls. People criticised me for being
a non-native English speaker. As a Hong Konger, who was born and raised in Hong
Kong, I felt disappointed, because I could never be a native English speaker
(it was an unfair comment to me). By focusing on the content and taking
constructive actions, I channelled energy into improving my English and
delivering excellent work. My hard work and strong analytical ability earned me
respect of clients and colleagues. Indeed, with my 17 years of experience in a
French bank, I adapted the French culture quite well. They were rather direct;
therefore, from a positive perspective, when they praised me, I knew they meant
it. My ex-boss also told me that he encountered quite a lot of criticism for
his French accent. I encouraged him by telling him that if he was nobody, no
one would waste time attacking him. The reality was our team often distributed
trading strategies and market commentaries to the cross-assets teams globally,
while market views were controversial. The fact is when someone is under the
spotlight, one must encounter criticism no matter if it is constructive or
destructive.
I
used to generate trading ideas and make market calls for the Asian equity
markets. I always encountered different opinions; this aligned with conflicting
views by market participants that were driven by various pull and push factors
from time to time. Therefore, it was normal to hear different voices on our
calls. I would elaborate more about our calls with more supportive
arguments. On the other hand, listening to their views was helpful to
ensure we had not missed any perspectives. Humility is my innate trait and
being open-minded is the way to learn.
My
market call decisions were based on multiple financial parameters that I
analysed. I liked making contrarian calls when the market sentiment was
extremely bullish or bearish. I monitored many financial and liquidity
parameters to gauge extreme cases. I made a bullish call after dramatic
corrections and hit the bottom of a crisis where most people became extremely
bearish, this was when the majority disagreed with me. After all, most of the negatives had been
priced in. The long-only funds and long-term investors would start accumulating
when the valuations turned tempting; and if there was any surprise on the
upside, hedge funds would cover their short positions. Occasionally, when I
made great market calls and received recognition from sales and clients, I was
delighted with strong satisfaction.
Tips to the young generation
Indeed,
cultivating a growth mindset and developing a positive attitude towards
criticism is crucial. Listening to and respecting different criticisms or
opinions does not mean you have to follow them blindly. You just need to
incorporate more perspectives and valid points into your thinking and
analytical process. You must be bold to make your decisions because you are
responsible for your decisions and the consequences. In a competitive working
environment, it is very stressful to face criticism; however, what others say
is out of your control. You can only put your best effort into delivering
quality work. A positive and constructive mindset is advocated with a focus on
what you can control and then taking sensible action.
If
you are struggling with criticism, think about whether you want people to focus
on your work and give comments or prefer that no one is aware of what you have
done. The key is to pay attention to the underlying message and explore if
there are any valid points to incorporate into our future actions, you will be
benefited from.
Winner Lee
Life Coach,
Mentor, Writer
The original article was published on LinkedIn on October 4,
2024.
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