HELPING OTHERS: SMALL ACTS, BIG IMPACTS

Created by the author in Canva

I came across Simon Sinek’s remarks about an inspiring perspective about helping others when watching Wisdom Bread. I follow his channel and his beliefs on inspirational leadership always resonate with me. He lamented that although there are countless self-help books, none teach people how to help others. His words inspired me to share my thoughts on the power of giving. When we give someone our helping hand, we offer more than just assistance, we bring hope and sometimes make a meaningful and profound impact on someone’s life.

Not all help is the same

As a giver, I have many years of experience helping others. In the past, I helped others by analysing their problems, sharing knowledge or networks, suggesting solutions, or comforting them. I found that sometimes people needed an audience rather than solutions. This made me realize that it is important to be aware of what type of help is needed and act accordingly.

Know your ability and limitations

Over the past few years, thanks to coaching, my awareness of how best help others have improved. Indeed, I cannot help anyone with mental health issue as I lack counselling or therapeutic knowledge and background. During my coaching course, our professor reminded us that we must know our boundaries, otherwise, we would hurt ourselves and others. Therefore, the best way to help those who suffer from anxiety or depression is to encourage them to seek professional help rather than trying to tackle the issue ourselves. However, we can still show our support and encouragement during their treatment.

To help others better, equip yourself

Life often presents us with opportunities to listen to understand, support, encourage and inspire others. Attentive listening, non-judgemental communication and empathy are critical. In coaching, we emphasise asking powerful questions to elicit reflection and help our coachees arrive at their own solutions. Of course, we can share our experience as an inspiration but must not force them to adopt our way.

In 2021, I started volunteering for the Lancaster Career Mentoring Program. I support two to three students each year helping them to fine tune their CVs and cover letters, prepare for interview questions and refine techniques, and explore further education options. Besides, I also share with them my work attitude and insights from my experience.

Back in 2023, I tried to help a few friends by coaching them for free. It was a win-win, I was getting some practice, and they got my help. Through my coaching, I helped them understand themselves, raised their awareness, cultivated a growth mindset and set them on a path to achieve their best self. Some of them referred their friends to me and I regard this as endorsements of my coaching abilities.

After practising for over 60 hours, I set up my coaching approach and framework, which includes various themes, assessments, powerful questions and reading lists. Some coachees thanked me for helping them to transform and appreciated me for assisting them in cultivating a positive and constructive mindset. I spent around 25 hours for each coachee, including six to seven coaching sessions and preparations, writing emails for summarisation and coaching logs. Individuals determine the duration of their participation in coaching based on their needs. My goal is not only about doing a great job but about effectively helping others to improve their lives.

Active listening

Listen for details to gain better understanding. Listen without interrupting and give space to the person you are assisting to fully express themselves. If necessary, take notes to ask questions for clarification later. It is hard initially – I was also not able to concentrate all the time in the past. Attentive listening takes a lot of energy and mental discipline, and even after all this practice, I can only do 1.5 to 2 hours each time at my maximum concentration.

Non-judgemental communication

Open-mindedness is critical in this process, so avoid allowing your own assumptions and presumptions cloud this new information you are receiving. Still, you will never know the full story so you should not judge others according to your beliefs, values and experiences.

I am quite an open-minded and curious person. I have always tried to understand my friends on a deeper level and accept their different perspectives. After learning coaching, my understanding of why a non-judgemental approach is a must has deepened further.

Being a listener is crucial to understand others’ perspectives and rationale. In fact, not many people have the experience of being truly heard and understood.

Empathy

Empathy is necessary in any relationship, especially among couples, parent-child, friendships and work relationships. Being attuned to the fact that others may be facing some struggles in life or emotional storms helps to build a connection and trust and elicit others to open and feel understood.

Body language

A friendly touch and hug show your care. Tactile signals convey your sincerity and kindness.

Helping others to take charge

Difficulties and setbacks are an integral part of everyone’s life and acceptance of this fact is crucial, but the length of this process differs from person to person. In every case though, it is important to help steer the focus away from negative emotions and highlight positive events that are still present but are overshadowed by pessimism or despair. Ultimately, overcoming adversity must come from within, without relying on others, while the feeling of being cared for and supported is helpful. Those with resilience will be able to recover from adversity even without help.

Small acts, big impacts

Not many people are willing or able to express themselves, especially during their struggles; they may prefer to wait for their emotions to wane. Some people prefer solitude. In general, men are less willing to express their feelings than women.

If someone reaches out for help, be present so they feel your care and support. Appreciate you were chosen, as people are selective, and they won’t pick someone they don’t trust. They confide in those they feel comfortable with and respect. Don't let them down as the act of asking for help requires courage and exposing their vulnerability and fragility.

Food for thought

People have a distorted view of their own problems. Frequently they are overwhelmed by what to others seems a minor obstacle. Therefore, fostering a positive mindset is helpful as overthinking or further projecting is unconstructive and counterproductive. You can buy some self-help books for your friends in a bid to inspire them to think differently.

I recommend “3 Minute Positivity Journal” by Kristen Bulter. It is a powerful habit to help individuals to start and end their day with positivity by having gratitude, joy and optimism. During adversity, individuals struggle as they overly focus on negative events and then forget positive events in their lives. The journaling exercise, which involves some reflection time in the morning and reviewing the day in the evening, raises emotional awareness and gratitude, and helps to induce the feeling of accomplishment. This daily routine helps to train the brain to address the feelings and generate a more balanced perspective. Gradually, this can develop into a habit that will create positive life-changing attitudes.

Boundary management

When helping others don't forget to take care of yourself or you may end up losing your inner peace. Do what you can at any given time, even small gestures like a phone call or message can make a difference, but don't undermine your own personal mental, emotional and other resources. If not prioritising your own needs, on the one hand, it won't deliver intended results, and on the other, it may create further problems and resentment.

Sincerity from the bottom of your heart

All in all, helping others need a kind heart and willingness to devote time. Authenticity and genuine care are more important than any skills and techniques. If you are willing to help others, I believe they can feel it.

Changing perspective – reversing from being helped to helping others

Instead of seeking help from others, people become more fulfilled if they can help others. In the same video, Simon shared his struggle while helping his friend. When he realized his strategy wasn't working, he changed tactics and asked his friend to help him with his own issues. This has successfully shifted his friend's attention away from her own problems. This shift in focus motivated her and helped to regain her energy because her role had changed from someone who is entangled in her own life issues to one of a mission to help others.

This perspective aligns with my own experience. I also found that shifting my focus to help others reduces my overthinking of problems and provides perspective - occasionally, I realise that others’ issues are more challenging and complicated. As a freelancer, I don't always actively coach or mentor others. In my spare time, I channel my energy into writing to inspire and encourage people.

Winner Lee Mindvigation

搜尋此網誌